"Zane knew himself to be a headstrong young idiot with delusions of artistry and literacy." - Piers Anthony (On A Pale Horse)

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Damnit, Joe.

Talking about blogs got me thinking about this blog and why I walked away.

Simple answer... "Because I'm just so unimpressed with film these days."

That doesn't mean I stopped going. Oh no. I still go as often as I can. I just don't care enough about what I see to devote any time to tell all y'all 'bout it.
(I have no idea what happened toward the end of that last sentence)

"The Departed" was good but I can't get excited about a remake of a movie that's less than 3 years old.

Same thing with "All The King's Men". They remade a movie (that won an Academy Award for Best Picture) that was an adaptation of a book that won the Pulitzer. Fuck you, Sean Penn. Do you really need another Oscar that bad?

I hated "Borat". I don't think making fun of Americans for being American at American's is funny. It felt the like biggest joke in the movie was for non-American audiences. The joke being that Americans are stupid enough to pay to see a movie that is all about how stupid they are.

"The Prestige" was predictable but still better than "The Illusionist", the best part of which being the dress Jessica Biel wore to the premier.

Reread that last sentence.
Seriously.
I'll wait.

I shouldn't being saying shit like that.

I'm trying to think of movies from the past year...
- "Brick" kicked ass.
- As did "Little Miss Sunshine".
- "X-Men 3" and "The Da Vinci Code" were cinematic skidmarks.
- "Over the Hedge" was enjoyable. Mostly because of Steve Carell.
- "Mission: Impossible 3" did a really good job killing Keri Russel.
- "Lucky Number Slevin" tried *way* too hard.
- "Hard Candy" was breathtaking (in every sense of the term).
- The first 3rd of "Silent Hill" rocked. Then they started explaining things.
- "Stick It" was interesting beyond hotties in spandex.
- Mos Def owned in "16 Blocks".
- "Thank You For Smoking" is a fantastic adaptation of a brilliant book.
- "Find Me Guilty" proved that Vin Diesel can act.
- "Inside Man" was good.
- I still can't figure out "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector". Which is he... a cable guy or a health inspector?
- "Slither" couldn't commit to the camp.
- "Swimmers"... I love watching little girls say the lines the way they're acting coach told them to.
- I fell asleep during every non-action scene in "300".
- "Blood Diamond" would have worked if there had been any logic to the story.
- "Children of Men" was nigh-on perfect.
- "Curse of the Golden Flower" starts strong and very quickly begins it's decent to a MST3K level of ridicule.
- Surprise. Surprise. "Ghost Rider" blew. (and how the hell do you make Eva Mendes look bad?)
- As much as I like to look at Sophia Bush... and as much as I like to make fun of Sean Bean's name... it wasn't enough to make "The Hitcher" anything other than crappy.
- "Night at the Museum" was perfect family fodder (note that I'm not saying it was good).
- Since "Norbit" didn't kill Eddie Murphy (see Raul Julia in "Street Fighter", John Candy in "Wagons East", etc...) we have to assume he has made a pact with the Devil and he should be hunted down and burned at the stake.
- I feel sorry for whomever wrote the draft of "The Number 23" that the studio bought because they fucked up the last 3rd of that poor man's script.
- "Pan's Labyrinth" is what Gilliam wanted "The Brother's Grimm" to be. Namely: awesome!
- "Primeval" was marketed as a supernatural horror flick but ended up being about a really big alligator. This genre jumped the shark with Sam Jackson in "Deep Blue Sea" (pun intended).
- "Reno 911: Miami" is 3 never-before-seen episodes strung together with the most threadbare of plots. (fyi: that's a glowing review)
- "Smokin' Aces" was so busy trying to get you to notice how much fun it was, they forgot to make it interesting.
- Maybe I was in a really good mood when I saw "Unaccompanied Minors" because I thought it was a lot of fun. Then again... I wasn't expecting much more than 90 minute of forced slapstick. Watching Lewis Black try not to be Lewis Black (it is a kid's movie) might have been the best part.

*sigh*

Go watch "Heroes".

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home