"Zane knew himself to be a headstrong young idiot with delusions of artistry and literacy." - Piers Anthony (On A Pale Horse)

Monday, November 21, 2005

Backlog

Elizabethtown
This film is a mess. Orlando Bloom seems incapable of playing someone of this century and Kirsten Dunst doesn't look as cute as she behaves. The film vacillates between showing things from a quirky, comedic view and one more maudlin and roughshod.
Given that this is a Cameron Crowe film... I wasn't surprised by the latter.
You should know, after testing, Crowe completely re-edited the film to shift the focus off of Bloom and to include more scenes with Dunst. Then, after it's initial limited release in theaters, it was edited again to remove 15 minutes before it was given a wide release. It is still a 2 hour movie.

Domino
People have 3 problems with this movie... it's foot in reality, the writing, and the editing.
The filmic Domino Harvey and the real Domino Harvey have almost nothing in common beyond both being female bounty hunters. Even the trailer said "Based On A True Story... Sort Of."
This was written by Richard Kelly (of Donnie Darko fame) so it's going to be a little different. If you are upset because it wasn't different enough... This is how Mr. Kelly finances his odd films like Donnie Darko. If you are expecting Donnie Darko you will be disappointed.
If you know that this is a Tony Scott film (Man on Fire, Spy Game, Enemy of the State) you won't be surprised by the camera and editing.
Between the cinematic eye-candy and the scantly-clad Kiera Knightly... I throughly enjoyed this film.

The Fog
Worst. Film. Ever.

Stay
Aside from being one of the most visually fascinating films I've seen in a long while, the story is unique and superbly written.
See this film.

Doom
A) 99% of reviews for this movie mention that Doom was the game that started the First-Person Shooter genre. I'd like to point out that Wolfenstein 3D came out over a year before Doom. Doom is known because it was a favorite of Klebold & Harris.

B) The only way this movie could have sucked harder was if it had been directed by Uwe Boll.

Saw 2
Let's get all the "see-saw" punning out of our system (as in: Hey, did you see Saw 2?). There. Feel better?
By not letting the schmuck that directed the first one touch the second, they ended up with a solid horror flick. I appreciate that the game Jigsaw plays with Donnie Wahlberg is truly designed to test him and him alone.
A warning: The scene with the needles is hard to watch. If you don't like needles... don't look.

Weather Man
Gore Verbinski is, as Gore Verbinski does.
This is a good film.
It's sad where it needs to be sad, funny where it tries to be funny, and emotional when it wants.
Mad props to Gore Verbinski for finding a use for the "character" Nick Cage as been playing for the past few years.
I could watch people throw burritos at Nick Cage for hours.

Prime
This is the story of a woman dating a man she can never have a lasting relationship with, knowing this, going through with it anyway, and eventually having to deal with ending it. The hook... unaware, she is dating her therapist's son. The therapist, however, is very aware.
This movie is chocked-full of awkward.
The sexy people are sexy, the relationship is believable, and the situation makes sense.
Meryl Streep is, hands down, the best Jewish mother ever to ever grace the silver screen.

North Country
Sexual Harassment is bad.
I get that.
Women deserve the same rights as men.
Absolutely.
In the not so distant past, women were treated horribly by male co-workers.
I'm ashamed to say it's true.
That said... this movie plays out like an Oprah's-Book-Club book. The men are cartoonishly vile while the women are realistic.
Then again, maybe I'm just fortunate to have grown up in a time and place where these things are considered horrific. I can't remember a time in my life where writing the word "cunt" on an office wall with human feces was allowed.

Chicken Little
Disney's second post-Pixar attempt is better, but still not very good.
The 3D doesn't help.
I have to question a children's film that emphasizes the concept of 'shoot first and ask questions later'.
Eisner blows.

Derailed
Read the book.
The movie is so watered-down it loses all potency. The crime isn't as horrible, the lead isn't as big a fuck-up, and the consequences aren't as dire.
Vincent Cassel is still da' man.

Zathura
Chris Van Allsburg wrote the book.
David Koepp wrote the screenplay.
Jon Favreau directed the film.
Frank Oz voiced the robot.
Stan Winston did the creature design.
Sony Pictures Imageworks (Spider-Man 2, Big Fish, The Matrix Trilogy) did the CG.
The kid says "Take erasive action!"

I will own this movie.

Get Rich or Die Tryin'
"I got shot nine times!"
Apparently, hearing this a brazillion times over the past 2 years wasn't enough... they had to make a movie about it.
I still can't find any sympathy for anyone hurt by the gansta lifestyle and I'm sick of it's glorification.
"Juh.Juh.Juh.G-Unit!"
Bite me.

Jarhead
You can't show boredom by making the film boring.
I also don't feel sorry for people that don't get to shoot other people.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
Best. Movie. Ever.
Ok, maybe not, but this one is definitely on the list. It's a comedic-hardboiled-noir-meta-film (that has my name written all over it).
This movie probably isn't for everyone, the body-count may be a little high for the ladies, but more people will like it than will go see it... which is a shame.
I'm disappointed that Bret Halliday's books (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is an adaptation) are out-of-print. Here's hoping this film will renew some interest.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Seeing as you've read the books and will, most likely, see the movie no matter what... I'm going to dispense with the review and yell at the audience.
Every parent that brought a child deserves the weeks of nightmares that this film will induce. The books are designed to appeal to readers that age with Harry and, being that this is the 4th book and Harry is 15, the story is full of terrifying monsters and painful deaths. If you had read the book, you would know this. "Well, I haven't read the book and the other Harry Potters were for kids so I thought..." doesn't hold any water. The MPAA ratings board had the wherewithal to give this a PG-13 rating. Would you take your kids to see Steven Seagal shoot people (Half Past Dead: rated PG-13) or let them watch Alien v. Predator (also PG-13)?
I have the feeling, after seeing this movie, telling your kids to imagine Voldemort in his underwear isn't going to help them sleep.

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