Let The Hating Begin

Having not posted for over a month AND not getting to the theater for a few weeks, I am WAY behind so bear with me while I play a quick and dirty game of catch-up.
This is all the stuff I've been sitting on.
The next post is will bring me up-to-date.

The Honeymooners
Having been the only white guy in the theater, I'm not sure I have the right to question the validity of this movie. Why was this movie made? Who thought the Black Community would better appreciate this remake? Am I missing something? How is this 'The Honeymooners' in any way other than by character's names and occupations? Is there some huge African-American Nick@Night constituency I'm unaware of? Not to play the race-card...I have a feeling this was Hollywood thinking that by taking a Caucasian franchise and throwing some funny Black comedians at it, they thought they could make the White folk into feel hip and included and trick the Black folk into seeing a shitty movie.

Cinderella Man
Oscar bait. Ron Howard Oscar bait, but Oscar bait none-the-less. At least it didn't pull the Million Dollar Baby bait-and-switch.

Batman Begins
Fuckin'A Chris Nolan! Fuckin'A Batman! I don't ever need to see Cillian Murphy (Scarecrow) again but I will end up seeing Red-Eye because it is Wes Craven. $10 says they don't have the balls to follow through with Mark Hamill as the Joker in the next one.
(for those of you looking at me cock-eye'd... Mark "Luke Skywalker" Hamill has voiced The Joker for all things animated and Batman since 1992)

Howl's Moving Castle
Why did someone make Anime out of a screenplay written by an Oxford educated Englishwoman? Miyazaki gets away unscathed because of Totoro, Kiki, and Mononoke.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
The weirdo, the hottie, lil' miss sheltered, and the token minority buy some pants and go on vacation. Virginity is lost, innocence is shattered, confidence is found, tears are jerked, and a dead girl makes a movie. I'm told the books are better. I cringe at the thought of a film series.

Rize
A beautiful documentary about David LaChappelle not getting it. The scary thing about this film is that this level of violence is only obvious to Americans.

Land of the Dead
Romero is back and his zombies are smart! You ain't had fun 'til you've seen a zombie use a machine gun.

War of the Worlds
Can I pay $9 dollars to listen to Dakota Fanning whine for 2 hours? Half the movie is Spielberg doing his special effects thing... the other half is people hiding in a basement. Whoopty-crap.

Bewitched
Nicole Kidman, what have you done to your face?!?! Why are you blond?!?! You are almost 40... stop trying to be cute! You've sculpted all the 'cute' off your face!
Will Ferrell is as Will Ferrell does.

March of the Penguins
Mother Nature owes these birds a serious apology. See this documentary, revel in Morgan Freeman, and curse your maker because you will never know the love of an Emperor Penguin.

Dark Water
Koji Suzuki needs to find something else to be scared of. Ok, I get it - little girls drowned by bad parents in local water supplies looking to hurt anyone that doesn't love them implicitly = scary. What people don't know is that 'Dark Water' (the book) is a collection of short stories. There are 3 more of these bad boys waiting to be turned into movies in Japan then, assuming they track well with genki Japanese tweens, they will get remade in the States.

Fantastic Four
There is an old quote from someone who's name I have long-since forgotten... "Hollywood produces beautifully shot garbage." Thy name is Fantastic Four.

Undead
What is it about Kiwis making hyper-cartoony zombie movies with loads of gore, horrible dialogue, and the most random of plots? Why are they some much fun to watch?

Rebound
Ha ha, Martin Lawrence is out of money, ideas, and job offers. If Rebound doesn't prove it, Big Momma's House 2 should.
P.S. - What must it be like, as a teen entering puberty, to know that you have a career because you look and sound like a complete loser? Movies about nerdy, fat, or ugly kids piss me off. Look at what happened to Tracey Gold - and all her fat-jokes were ironic. I weep for the cast of Heavyweights.